Attaching to Yourself

Individuals with complex trauma often experience a disconnect between their external achievements and their internal sense of self-worth. They may excel in their careers, receive positive feedback, care for their families, and manage countless responsibilities—yet still feel a persistent sense of inadequacy. They may create meaningful projects and achieve what society would label as success, yet inside, they carry the belief that they are not enough.

This dissonance stems from how complex trauma disrupts the ability to internalize validation and self-worth. Even when they accomplish what might have once seemed unattainable, the absence of internalized self-belief leaves them questioning their value. Encouragement from others often feels fleeting because healing must come from within.

Humans are wired for attachment. Bonds with caregivers, parents, and partners provide safety, reassurance, and belonging. These relationships shape how individuals see themselves, offering validation and helping them form a narrative of their worth. For individuals with complex trauma, however, these foundational relationships may have been absent or harmful, leaving a void that persists into adulthood.

Healing requires creating the attachment and validation that were missing. It means giving oneself the care, compassion, and recognition that others may not have provided, actively acknowledging one’s efforts and growth. By creating this internal attachment, individuals can internalize a new narrative of worthiness and self-acceptance.

Being intentional about relationships in adulthood also supports healing. While childhood environments cannot be changed, adults can choose relationships that are mutual, respectful, and supportive, creating distance from those that harm and prioritizing those that uplift.

Healing involves acknowledging resilience—recognizing how far one has come and rewriting the narrative of inadequacy into one of strength and worth. It is about reclaiming a sense of value and believing that one is already enough. This process allows individuals not only to survive but to grow into a life where they see themselves as deserving of love and respect, both from others and from within.