Breaking the Cycle: Healing from Trauma While Nurturing the Next Generation

A family was enjoying dinner at the mall during a break on their drive home from a family visit when suddenly, a splash hit them. In shock, they realized someone had thrown a milkshake over the mall balcony, drenching their table where two young children were sitting. Bystanders informed them that the culprits had fled the scene. The father, visibly upset, began accusing those nearby. The mother is concerned about escalating the situation. Her fear of an altercation led her to insist that he stop. The family spent the next 30 minutes dealing with the aftermath of the incident.

It was only after that the mother began to reflect on the situation and realized that she hadn’t considered how the children might have perceived what had happened. Were they scared or confused? In the midst of reacting to the chaos and her husband’s behavior, she had lost sight of her most important responsibility: ensuring the children were okay and providing them with a safe space to process the experience.

This situation highlights a broader issue that can arise for those dealing with complex trauma. Often, individuals can become so absorbed in their own experiences, traumas, and daily responsibilities that they unintentionally overlook the needs of their children. It’s not about assigning blame, but rather about recognizing the impact that unresolved trauma can have on one’s ability to stay present in the moment. For someone dealing with complex trauma, the past can often feel like it’s not truly over, manifesting in flashbacks, triggers, and heightened emotional responses. This is not a matter of fault; it’s a symptom of CPTSD, where the mind keeps the trauma close in an attempt to protect the individual, even though it only prolongs the suffering.

The energy required to manage past trauma can detract from the ability to engage fully with one’s children, which can inadvertently lead to the children experiencing their own forms of trauma or neglect. This is how intergenerational trauma is often passed down—despite the best intentions, a hurt parent can unintentionally cause harm to their own children. This not only impacts the children but also adds to the parent’s own feelings of sadness and guilt.

Being a parent with unresolved complex trauma can be challenging for everyone involved, but it’s not a hopeless situation. The first step toward change is awareness—awareness of the children’s needs and how trauma affects attention and presence. The trauma that once held such a powerful grip on attention must be consciously redirected to the present moment and the well-being of the children. By focusing on creating a happy, nurturing family environment, both the parent and children can find healing and happiness. The joy and meaning that come from time spent with them can help heal a lifetime of pain. It’s important not to let past traumas steal current happiness and joy. Both the parent and the children deserve much more. It’s tragic that life has to be so hard even after facing so much trauma, but that’s the reality. It takes a lot of strength and effort to make it through. It may not be easy, but the journey toward healing is worth it for both the parent and the family.