What is love?

Individuals who have experienced complex trauma often face a reality where their understanding of relationships and emotions is profoundly shaped by their past experiences. For someone constantly surrounded by emotional turbulence, recognizing healthy relationship dynamics can be challenging. When aggression, disrespect, and bitterness are the norm, these behaviors can mistakenly feel like the standard elements of any relationship, lacking the red flags that would signal danger to someone else.

For many with complex trauma, the representation of relationships in media such as television can sometimes offer insights that are absent in their own lives. Although TV is not a perfect reflection of reality, it can showcase interactions that are healthier and more supportive than what some might have experienced. These portrayals can serve as learning tools, providing examples of caring and functional dynamics that contrast sharply with their personal experiences.

Understanding love and healthy interactions often involves learning what these should look like in practice. Love is about protection, not just in the sense of physical safety but emotional and psychological safety as well. It involves looking out for another's wellbeing, supporting them through challenges, and believing in them. Love should involve mutual respect, encouragement, and the joy of shared experiences. It's about seeing and being seen in a positive light, helping one another to view themselves as worthy and capable.

For those with complex trauma, relearning relationship dynamics is not just about finding a lack of negatives but actively identifying and cultivating positives. Love, ideally, is a refuge—a safe harbor from life's storms, not the source of them. This realization can be a crucial part of healing and developing healthier relationships moving forward.