Affection in Romantic Relationships

While on a recent walk, someone noticed a couple holding hands, an interaction that stood out due to its rarity in everyday life, particularly in suburban areas where young parents are often preoccupied with balancing careers and family responsibilities. The couple stopped to hug and kiss each other, which initially seemed like a farewell. However, they continued walking together afterward, revealing that their kiss and embrace were simply expressions of love. This affectionate behavior was observed again a few minutes later.

This scene evoked a sense of longing for such expressions of love, as spontaneous affection is often rare in many long-term relationships, even though it is more common in interactions with children. These positive exchanges stand in stark contrast to the more familiar dynamics of negative emotions and criticism. Patterns of interaction are often rooted in the relational dynamics observed in one's parents' marriages and the treatment experienced during childhood. Many people did not experience nurturing and appropriate expressions of love growing up, which can lead to a deep sense of sadness and longing for the warmth and security that such affection provides.

Internal working models are mental representations of relationships formed through early interactions with caregivers. These models guide expectations and behavior in future relationships, influencing how individuals perceive and respond to others. The absence of healthy, loving behaviors in romantic relationships can be a significant consequence of complex trauma, which often creates maladaptive internal working models. This deprives individuals of the experiences and skills needed to develop healthy relationships.

Recognizing these patterns is crucial for understanding the cognitive and emotional components of romantic relationships. This awareness is essential for fostering healthier relational dynamics in one’s own life and in the lives of future generations. By actively working to reshape internal working models, individuals can cultivate more fulfilling and resilient relationships, contributing to their well-being and the well-being of those around them.